Tuesday, April 24, 2012

On Sea Turtles

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It is with the most jubilant of hearts that today, on this Very Blog, I celebrate the sea turtle. This was sparked by my status as a finalist in the SEE Turtles Volunteer Contest, but also by my adoration for sea turtles and my rendezvous with them on multiple occasions. The only word that comes to mind when considering their evolutionary greatness is this:


They are essentially... Poseidon's discus. Noble and round. They merit Courier style font.

They deserve to be protected by humankind, as they have protected us for centuries from briny villains such as A) the Loch Ness monster, B) the Leviathan, C) pirates. I will prove my case below.

First: If you switch around the letters in the superfamily 'Chelonioidea,' you will receive the following remarkable anagram:

'Hi, Ocean Oldie.'

This is not a coincidence. Indeed, the sea turtle has been around longer than Latin. Sea turtles practically designed all structural aspects of Latin. Sea turtles are very serious business.

Sea turtles keep our oceans safe by eating box jellyfish. Would you eat a box jellyfish? No. And that is why the sea turtle is more impressive than you will ever be.

In fact, the Moche people of ancient Peru worshipped the sea turtle. They were significantly ahead of their time, because the sea turtle is hip. Brilliant. Savvy. They are also efficient, as they can lay 50-200 eggs in thirty minutes. This is an impressive and probably marketable skill for any animal to have.

Sea turtles are the Best Mothers. Period. If on Mother's Day you are not celebrating a sea turtle, you are doing it wrong. This role involves a lot more hauling and hind-flippering than your mother could even have dreamed of, unless your mother is a mermaid. The devotion of a sea turtle to her inordinate number of children is commendable. The presence of sea turtle nesting also improves dune vegetation, which helps to prevent beach erosion. Remember that the next time that you are on summer vacation, you should thank the sea turtles for making your beach a possibility!

Without a doubt, the sea turtle is the stalwart friend of all creatures.

They are the
avengers of fish, shellfish, and crustaceans that might otherwise be choked out by sea grass. They are also a friend of mine:

So now, hopefully you understand why the fact that these intelligent creatures are reduced to tons of fisherman by-catch each year is absurd. Is this how you want to see your sea turtles?

(He is not sleeping.)

NO! And you can make a difference!

Check out http://www.seeturtles.org/ to see how you can work with sea turtles, and change fishing and environmental practices to help protect them. Sea turtles are man's best water-friend.

And remember: slow and steady wins the race, but if you are a sea turtle, you are fast and steady. Therefore, you are the champion of all races, regardless of their distance or the other animals involved. Always bet on sea turtles.

1 comment:

  1. i have discovered a newfound appreciation for sea turtles